Overheard as Chuck & Milly are discussing the re-inaugurated Westminster parkrun today.
Chuck: Crikey Milly, the last parkrun anywhere near here was 70 years ago and the course hadn’t been measured properly so we’ve got to make it accurate this time. Especially with me as the run director.
Milly. This course shouldn’t be a problem, the route is well marked and bedecked with paraphernalia, but we’ll have to watch out, we may be swamped with all those parkrun tourists looking to do a Nelson on account of the route going past Trafalgar Square.
Chuck. Don’t fret, pet, the Met ‘section 60’ running club have offered to do the marshalling, along with their usual encouragements of ‘move along now’. They’ll be looking out for anyone carrying eggs that haven’t been bought from Waitrose or anyone carrying organic Duchy Originals superglue.
Milly. We’ll also have to remind our parkwalkers to keep up a good pace to get us in before the route has to re-open. The marshalls have been instructed to clamp down on anyone found walking too slowly. It’s just not on, as it is we’ve got some slow tourists who may take hours to complete the course.
Chuck. Oh, do you mean the guy who did the Ballina parkrun the other week in Ireland. Why isn’t he here? I thought we had a special relationship. https://www.parkrun.ie/ballina/
Milly. Oh, you mean cousin Joe? I hear he’s sending his wife instead, not like your son who’s not bringing his. I guess it is a bit of a trek from Los Angeles, but I imagine he’s here for the traditional after parkrun cake & bunfight.
Chuck. You’d be surprised how many hangers-on and scroungers are coming along looking for handouts.
Milly. Now don’t be rude about your brother, it’s just a straightforward parkrun after all.
Chuck. Anyhow if he or anyone wants to get a time he’ll need to start with a barcode like everyone else. I’ve been told we’ve recently changed it so everyone has to show photo id. It seems to be all the rage. Well, I suppose he has got one that spent forever being shown in the media.
Milly. Talking of barcodes, have you registered correctly? Are you down as Saxe-Coburg Gotha or Windsor? We can’t have parkrunners registering under pseudonyms. Where will we be if everyone did that, you wouldn’t know where they are really from.
Chuck. No worries. I’ve been told something is organised at around half way, but not like Somerdale Pavilion’s Curly Wurly, do I really need to be there? Someone’s been booked to do some stand-up, Archie or some name like that. I know he’s been keeping a low profile but he has a new gag about swearing or something. Have you heard it? It’s a hoot.
And what about those folk from Scotland bringing a Stone or something, they say it’s their ‘destiny’. I’m not sure quite what they mean but they may be referring to the fact they were held up as the camper van bring it down the A1 was impounded north of the border on some pretext. Surely not more of that ‘where’s the money’ nonsense our neighbours at no. 10 on the route to the Abbey seem to be besieged with.
Milly. Well, I think that’s everything, I’ve got my tabs in my clutch bag and we don’t have to worry about parking as we have someone to drop us off and pick us up, but watch out as they are different modes of transport, you don’t want to be getting the wrong bus back.
Chuck. Gracious no. Finally as it’s a special occasion please don’t tell me it’s fancy dress. Again. Isn’t it just tiresome?
Milly. Lord no. (actually, Lady Mone)
